Spreading toxic vibes

Despite all appearances, deep down, toxic people are not actually happy with who they are.

This is why they choose to manipulate others, negatively affecting their self-perception and confidence.

Whether consciously or not, it brings them a level of satisfaction to know that they are not alone in their self-loathing.

From their perspective, it’s a lot easier to bring others down to their level rather than raising themselves.

The nature of anything toxic is to spread, infect and corrupt that which is pure, in order to keep the environment conducive for more toxicity.

Toxicity is malignant – it only persists BECAUSE it spreads.

It’s quite futile otherwise.

This is why toxic people always seem to have others around them, who support and enable their behaviour.

When you understand this aspect of toxic people’s psychology, it stops you from taking everything so personally. It helps you understand that how people choose to treat you when you put your best foot forwards is a display of their character, not yours.

It should have no bearing on your sense of self, your character or inherent value.

Unfortunately, when we’re emotionally attached to a toxic person, we often believe that changing ourselves will inevitably help to make them better people.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

While changing how you deal with them can change the dynamic of your relationship, it won’t change who they are.

Sustainable growth and positive change are seldom done in the name of another person. If they are truly going to change, they have to see the benefit of doing so for themself. They can be encouraged by others, but no one will be able to make them do it.

The other issue with trying to change them, besides the fact that attempting to control another person is a futile endeavour, is the fact that they will often lose respect for you.

Although they will happily benefit from you changing for them, they ultimately lose respect for you, because they see what you’re doing as a demonstration of your own lack of self-respect.

Why?

Because a person who respects themself knows exactly when to walk away. They can effectively discern who deserves their time, effort and patience from those who do not.

Especially if the toxic person you’re dealing with has no remorse, this is a green flag for them that you are someone they can continuously manipulate.

The better you get at handling people, the more you’ll realise how important it is to allow them to be exactly who they are without your control or judgement.

This is how you protect your peace. The sooner you see a person’s true colours, the quicker you can decide how far into your life they should be allowed, if at all.

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