The truth about success

I have heard various definitions of success. I have also heard a lot of different advice about how to become successful.

Most people believe that success is money, material possessions, popularity and ease.

But if this was the case, then why do we have some people, who seem to ‘have it all’ on the surface, still decide to take their own lives; meanwhile, other individuals, who seem to have nothing at all can still wake up and smile everyday and be grateful for life?

If we’re defining success based on outward manifestations, there isn’t really a logical answer to that question.

However, when we look at the truth about success and understand that it is subjective, arbitrary, and also quite simple, it all makes more sense.

The first definition of success you’ll find online is ‘the achievement of something desired, planned or attempted’ (or at least something to that effect).

I would agree with that, but I would add another qualifier onto this definition.

I would say that success is the ability to enjoying the process of working towards your goals and working to become the person you want to be in the process.

The reason I modify the definition in this way is because I’ve asked myself, “Can you even call yourself successful if you can meet your goals, but become unrecognisable to yourself in the process, or don’t even feel happy at the end of it?”

I strongly believe that the prerequisite for success is contentment. If you’re not content with the person you have become and what your current life looks like, then any “success” attained is just performative and meaningless.

What true success looks like for each of us varies depending on our values, our abilities, our own perspective (read blog, “Considering diversity in perspectives”) and where we are on our life journey.

We have to be realistic and shift our mindset. Rather than conflating success with tangible outcomes and external representations, look at the internal results.

Has the journey itself pushed you towards a better version of yourself?

Has the journey brought you peace and satisfaction?

These are the questions that are important when it comes to evaluating your own success.

That is the key here: evaluating your own success.

When we ascribe to society’s superficial idea of success, we automatically place value on external validation and are silently volunteering ourselves to be judged. Even more than that, we position ourselves beneath those who externally represent our skewed ideas of success.

This is the psychology behind the many people who follow those popular individuals who claim to have the winning formula for success.

This is the exact reason why so many people end up losing hope after following “magic formula” after “magic formula” in the name of chasing success and continue to fail miserably.

It’s because the people they follow are selling a false idea of success, while gatekeeping the truth about what success really is in the first place AND what they did to get what they are telling the world they have.

How I see it is if you’re going to share your “winning formula” with others, especially if you’re going to make profit from it, at least tell the whole truth.

But what I’ve seen a lot of is extreme, unrealistic advice mixed with some words of motivation and a lot of pretense.

I’ve heard influential people pass on some unbelievable advice.

One piece of advice I heard to young people in their 20s was to “work 100 hours per week, eat crap for a few years, and stack your money” – while failling to mention that their connections to a fraternity made it much easier for them to break through in their particular industry, than it would have been for an average person putting in the same amount of effort.

This is precisely what I mean.

These individuals profit from the dependence and ignorance of those who admire them.

Naturally, we are more likely to follow someone we believe has walked a path that we can also follow.

So certain influential people with deceitful intentions are happy to gatekeep truth, mislead those who want to learn, exploit their inaccurate idea of success and continuously profit from it.

If I’m completely honest, this frustrates me a lot, because gatekeeping the truth and misleading people who are open to their minds being moulded and shaped in a positive way just suppresses the growth of humanity’s overall consciousness.

It holds us all back.

I want to make it clear at this point, however, that there is a distinct difference between gatekeeping the truth and allowing others to have their own experiences, the primary difference being the intention behind it.

There are times when an explanation simply cannot trump the value of firsthand experience and it wouldn’t behoove you to divulge everything you know, because those who follow the path you’re setting them on must learn through their own journey of self-discovery, as you did.

In such cases, the necessary withholding of information is with the best of intentions.

This is different to gatekeeping, which intends to put others at a disadvantage for selfish, personal gain.

As someone looking to others for guidance, your responsibility is to discern whether you are being guided in good faith or misled and exploited.

And as a person dedicated to leading others, your responsibility is to guide and not to gatekeep.

At the end of the day, the truth about success is simple, and while it is obfuscated by a lot of mis- and disinformation, the most powerful thing you can do is hold yourself to your own personal definition of success.

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