We all need love. But why must we first seek love in another person? What about the love we are yet to give ourselves?
If I had to define love, I would say that to love is to consistently act in a positive way (with positive intentions) that benefits another and brings out the best version of them. This could involve giving attention, validation and support, for example.
When we think of love, however, we tend to assume that it must involve another person. Now don’t get me wrong, love shared between people is a beautiful thing that I wish was more common. But we can sometimes become so desperate to chase love from others, that we completely neglect the need to give ourselves.
Our perception of love is completely skewed and it is the source of complete mayhem in so many areas of our lives. This limited understanding is exactly what causes us to jump into relationships without giving ourselves the opportunity to heal. We are convinced that self-love is not enough, so we are constantly thinking our way into unhappiness, always searching for something more.
Another misconception some of us hold about self-love is that self-love is all about external demonstrations, like taking yourself on dates. And while these acts are often romanticised and seem quite cute, there is a performative element to these practices that stops you from going deeper.
If you’re doing all the spa days and taking yourself on fancy dates etc, but still not feeling fulfilled inside, it might be time to consider the real meaning of self-love.
Self-love is not an excuse to continue on a path of destruction, where ‘accept me for me’ becomes your motto and shield for accountability. Rather, self-love is taking the time out to self-reflect and continuously evolve into a better human being.
So how can you cultivate love from within?
One way you can increase your self-love is to understand your own self-love language. How you receive love from others can be different to how you receive love from yourself. You must pay attention to yourself to figure out what that is.
For example, you might appreciate receiving gifts from others, as it best communicates their love for you. On the other hand, when it comes to your relationship with self, you may find that words of affirmation make you feel loved and safe.
This is where your self-reflective practices prove to be useful. Do things that you will appreciate and treat yourself as a priority, because you are. Nothing will build your confidence and self-esteem more.
By being consistent with these expressions of self-love, you are setting high, yet realistic standards for yourself and those around you. Your ability to give yourself love makes you better at attracting it from others, embracing it and nurturing it.
Know that you are deserving of love. Don’t wait for someone else to tell you. Affirm it and give love to yourself first ♡
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Nourish yourself first 💜