Is discomfort really the enemy?

Resilience is how well you are able to manage an uncomfortable situation and return to a sense of normalcy without compromising your character.

Your capacity for discomfort determines your level of resilience; the greater your capacity for discomfort, the greater your resilience.

In the personal development world, the rhetoric associated with discomfort can be very confusing.

There is a quote I have come across many times that says, “your comfort zone is the enemy”. I’ve also come across contrary advice that says you should not stay in environments that make you uncomfortable.

While each piece of advice could be correct in different contexts, I think that people generally struggle when deciding which to apply and when.

In order to know how to respond to discomfort, it must first be understood that discomfort is not always a sign to avoid something.

Discomfort could be a sign of growth, it could be a sign that you need deeper healing, it could be a sign that something isn’t for you, it could be a sign that there is a lesson to learn out of a situation.

You simply cannot run away at the first sign of discomfort. Doing so robs you of the opportunity to gain deeper insight and understanding that could help you better recognise certain contextual patterns in future situations.

Instinctually running away at the first sign of discomfort is an avoidant behavioural pattern and nothing truly gets solved this way.

If you keep running away from conflict, how do you ever expect to build conflict resolution skills?

By the same token, if you constantly avoid challenges in life, how do you expect to develop the wisdom and strength required to handle unavoidable difficulties down the line?

You must first sit with the discomfort BEFORE taking action.

This allows your emotions to settle down, which is probably the primary goal when life throws an unexpected situation at you.

With a calm mind you can gather more information and understand the context fully in order to determine the potential long-term effects. You can then make the informed decision to either endure, re-position yourself or completely leave a situation based on your desired outcomes.

Let’s have a look at an example:

If you are in a relationship that is no longer fulfilling your needs or expectations, you can either choose to stay and work things out or you can leave.

As we discussed before, you can’t just immediately decide to end the relationship and ghost the person, because it’s too uncomfortable to talk about.

(I mean, technically you could, but avoiding conflict doesn’t do anything but prevent you from developing that necessary skill.)

The decision you make should depend on the context of the relationship and how you see the future panning out for you both.

If the reason that you’re reconsidering the relationship is because the person you chose to be with is showing early signs of being an abusive, narcissistic, controlling person, then you could safely assume that a future with them could lead to the complete dismantling of your peace, confidence and self-esteem.

Knowing this and choosing to overlook it in such of the temporary ‘high moments’ you share with them doesn’t do any good in the long run.

In this example, the context of the relationship gives you enough information to understand that the best way to manage the discomfort is to make a swift exit.

On the other hand, if your partner has the characteristics of a person who is sincere, willing to grow and learn with you, and your rough patch is a result of misunderstandings, then the context changes.

Because of who they are as a person, you have a reason to work through the discomfort with that person.

Because you didn’t immediately abandon the relationship at the first sign of discomfort, you could understand that your partner is not the problem, rather you both need to tackle the problem together.

The long-term benefits of pushing through this uncomfortable season with your partner are the fact that your relationship will grow stronger and you will have a deeper understanding of each other.

This is just one example of how your response to discomfort can completely change a situation and impact your future.

At the end of the day, you have to be patient enough...you have to bear discomfort for long enough before you decide on your course of action.

Acting too early can make you miss your blessings, but acting too late can mess up your future.

Choose wisely...

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